Quotes...! #2

"This conversation has got to end because you're getting dangerously close to being as smart as I am."- Quote from a tv show :P

From ice age:
Manny: Why is it called the "Gorge of Death"?
Buck: We tried calling it "The Big Smelly Crack" but people kept giggling.

Buck: The name's Buck. Short for Buckminster. Long for Buh.

Friends:
[Joey writes a letter to the adoption agency on behalf of monica and chandler. he uses a thesauras to sound "smart"]:
Monica: What was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh. They are warm nice people with big hearts
Chandler: And that became.... "They are human prepossessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps....?"

Joey: Hey our fridge is broken, i gotta get a new one. i need 400 dollars.

Chandler: Im not givin ya 400 dollars! i dont live here anymore remember?

Joey: Say we're a divorced couple right, and i get custody of the kid. now if the kid dies, i gotta buy a new kid.

Chandler: uh....o...kay...??

Joey: GIMME $400!!!!!

[Rachel is nervous about leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few minutes]
Rachel: What if she jumped out the basinet?
Ross: Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh my God, I left the water running.
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please, just pull yourself together, okay?
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996.
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there.
Ross: Oh my god, you know what, yeah, I think you're right. I think... listen, listen.
Rachel: Huh?
Ross: A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in.

Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing all this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.

The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a deathly grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.
Rachel: If that happens, you're going to feel SO bad.

Mike: There was a rat! Dont worry. I think i got him

Phoebe: no no!! That's Bob!!!

Mike: Oh no! Oh thank god. It's only a mouse.

Phoebe: SUSIE?!!

[Joey loses his health insurance]

Joey: Oh my god... before i could like... get hit by a bus... or.. or get caught on fire you know? now i gotta be careful!?!

Chandler: I dont know what to say man... there's never a good time to....uh... stop catching on fire.

[With fake english accent]

Ross: Right, so when Rigby got his results back from the laboratory, he made a startling discovery! What he believed to be igneous was in fact, sedimentary. Imagine his consternation when.... [sees rachel and monica staring] Oh, bloody hell.

[later]

Proffessor: Do you have a moment to talk about your lecture?

Ross: im sorry ive got plans with my sister

Monica: Manica Gellarrrrrrrrr

Ross: will you excuse us for just one moment?

[privately]What are you doing?

Monica: what you can have an accent but i cant?

[to passing students] top o tha mornin to ya laddies!

Ross: stop. stop.

[go back to proffessor and rachel talking]

Rachel: yees, yees, Bhombhay is vary vary naiice thees time of iyear.

---

Random Lemur: I like them!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: I like them, I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them! As soon as I met them I liked them right away! You hate them compared to how much I like them!
Julian: Oh shut up, you're so annoying!

(you might have to have seen the movie to get these)

---

Skipper the Penguin: You, quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch?
Marty the Zebra: I sprechen.
Skipper the Penguin: What continent is this?
Marty the Zebra: Manhattan.
Skipper the Penguin: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!

---

Julian: Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet everyone. That includes me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...

Julian: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.

Shake-the-pear

You are NOT in for what you thought you were in for when you decided to read this post seeing the heading.

Now.

Shakespeare (Yes, that is the proper form of the deformed phrase in my heading) was a very very intelligent fellow. Slightly mad, maybe. But intelligent, nevertheless.

Seshpare (as my english teacher might refer to him by) thought of things that no average literary artist might think of today. For example, a knight who had no dignity making a solemn oath that some mustard had gone bad.

See, it's creative, innovative, DIFFERENT certainly, original and......... err.... slightly retarded. No offense Mr. Shakey.

The play concepts were plotted cleverly, although somewhere along the way Mr. Pear lost it. Lost what, you may ask? Not the will to complete the play, not the idea, not the writing talent. His sanity, oh yes.

His plays that he meant to come under the genre of 'Fantasy'..... did come under that and his concepts were sensible..............NOT.

Now, Mr Shakespeare had writing talent, oh yes. That is certainly not being denied here. Just.... eccentric path of thought and.. ok. cutting to the chase here. HE TALKED THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL. Thee, thou, tho, thy wth!? Instead of going "Thou hath hurt thy innermost feelings that thy hath wrapped and safekept for eternal length of time, thou art banished from the Kingdom, this very land that we step foot upon at this very instant and henceforth shalt never show thyself in this sacred space that we shall be dwelt in.", why can't he just say "Look dude, whatever. get lost."

See? So simple.

Looks like Sir Literary Genius had a couple of minor setbacks with his writing. they were works slightly resembling nonsense.

I would very much like to point out that this is told from the mind of a minor. BUT, if thou could fetch me an adult who can actually read a whole unabridged play of shakespeares and say that that person actually:

i] survived it

ii] has retained the same mental position that he hath started out with

iii] enjoyed it (provided the clause ii is satisfied)

,

Thou shalt be praised.

Whoops. Looks like Shakespearitis is contagious.

;)

ClassRoom Chronicles #2

So we're all writing our exam right. It's class 9&10 together and we [9] had our chemistry exam that day. which we were completely prepared for but it was a very tough paper.

so there's about twenty minutes left until we have to stop writing and our invigilator is just incapable of sitting down quietly for two seconds.

Mrs. X (targets one pitiful boy sitting in the corner and nearly snapping his pencil into two out of frustration that he did not know the formula of Methyl Alocohol) - what you going to do after the exam?

Anxious boy - i dont know ma'am [turns back to paper]

Mrs. X - not going for a holiday anywhere?

AB -no maam.. for now im just writing my exam [not looking up]

mrs x - what's your paper about? [snatches paper and reads through it]

AB- maam im writing my exam!

mrs. x -mm okay write write. [gives back paper; anxious boy resumes scribbling down answers]

Ab [mutters] - god this woman....

mrs. x -when i was small, chemistry was not a big problem for me. it was only maths.

in that also, i liked arithmetic a lot...... algebra was not a strong point for me.

AB - [smoke escapes from ears enough to boil water for tea]

[this conversation continues one-sidedly for a while]

mrs. x - how much do you have left?

AB - a lot, maam.

mrs x - {begins to walk away to annoy another poor boy who is buried in sheets of chemstry equations} hmmm... write fast. you need lots of concentration for chemistry. difficult subject. Make sure you dont get distracted.

[Pencil snaps into two]

Fichix

If there is one thing that even the smartest person in the world can NOT comprehend, it's physics.

It's so ABSTRACT and I think a synonym for it would be 'pointless'

I have high doubts about whether when I'm 50 and walking on the street, some nut is going to hold a dagger to my throat and say "If you do not prove that rays of light after reflection appear to meet at a point to form a virtual image, I shall slit your throat." High doubts I have about that. High doubts. However, the global board of education seems to think that is likely to happen.

Why don't they PROVE that that's what is going to happen BEFORE THEY subject the world to such torment of studying analysis of a stupid thermometer that we use once in like......a long time.... when we get sick and really don't care if mercury or water or lemon juice is inside the stupid stick thing. For gods' sake, we chuck it somewhere the day we get better and move on with physics-ridden life!

And I honestly do not care about upthrust or pressure in sea water or some nonsense. If I'm going to fall into the sea, I'll make sure the Coast Guard is around. Really, what am I going to do knowing that there is upthrust to keep me afloat if I am in a situation close to drowning?

Upthrust is there only in the sea. Where is it going to go? These people think that if they don't put it down on paper and drill kids to learn about such abnormal crap, then upthrust is going to get angry with them and stop........well....upthrusting.

Gah. '

The board of education has GOT to wake up and replace subjects like PHYSICS with stuff like.... like.... music! Music is an ART okay?!

Music is CULTURE. music MUST be studied. Music is an upcoming phenomenon! That uh... influences the average ... citizen's.. mind!

ANYWAY.

my point being,

PHYSICS MUST BE ERADICATED!

Physics is a disease. A FATAL disease. Spread by Physics teachers and textbooks.

AVOID. Take a vaccine (Anti-Physics Shot. It has not been invented yet, so for the time being we shall stick to hours and hours of complaining about physics and making it a point to not study it.)

Stay away from it at all costs!! OUTBREAK of a pandemic of PHYSIXICITIS has broken out..... a long time ago. yeah. people suck. they still cant get rid of it. WAKE UP BRAINLESS OAFS.

And yes. All the above was because I wrote my physics exam today. And yes- I did not do well.

I think.

Famous quotes by (un)famous people...! #1

"Amirtha says: hey hold onmg one sec; astro walkingn ongng keybfoardejwka"

"By 'be impulsive', you mean do nothing?" - Sashi XD

"OOOOOh i love this cat! it reminds me of my dogs" - Prar... sigh. you're such a question mark :P

Chandler: What are you doing?!

Rachel/Phoebe: Searching for our christmas presents from monica!

Chandler: That's terrible!

Phoebe: No no! we do it every year!

Chandler: Oh..... that makes it.....not.....terrible..?

"I finally ate cheesecake!!!!!"- Hen

Me: Dang... astro [puppy]'s teething pretty bad....

A: its part of pet ownership though isnt it?

Me: yeah but its really bad... worse than an avg puppy bites....

A: thats what you get for a cross between a dog, cow, horse, cat...

Me: dont forget bunny.

Me: AARGH IM SO FRUSTRATED. I WANNA............................KILL.......MYSELF!!!!!

A: hmm.. want some help? i've nothing to do till two.. That's when i have to go catch a movie.... [looks at watch] but i guess i could squeeze in destructing a walking thing before then...

K: Shhhiiitteee...!! I havent studied half of this stuff for tomorrow's exam! What do you suggest I concentrate on?

Me: Look, either you skip the second part of the chapter completely and just concentrate on the first and finish off fast, or you study everything keeping no sharp objects within a close distance.

Lyrics not that important?

Whenever I listen to a song for the first time, I'm like 'hmm... catchy' or 'hmm.... NOT catchy :S'

And I realized, I never ever look at anything more than the tune; what about the amazing voice of the singer or the fantastic thought-provoking lyrics?

Recently I was listening to this song with lyrics that rhymed yet tied up together so beautifully! Half the time, lyricists get bugged halfway through the song and their rhyming skills deteriorate so quickly. I'll give you an example.

In the beginning, they're rhyming stuff like "assumption" and "fraction" and suddenly they start rhyming "mad" and "sad"

And half the singers? They don't care WHAT they sing, as long as they get a cd out!

One sings about some blithering idiot who dumped them, one sings about some old memory, one sings about some breakup, one sings about their 'soulmate' and before we know it, there'll be songs about cows and cats. And we'll be sitting and listening to it also.

And thn of course, there's the category of 'music' that comprises mainly of a swear word dictionary, as common human shall call it "rap".

Rap? ?More like a RIP to their chances of their song ever getting categorized into the occurring phenomenon called "music".

Although there was this one particular song, that I realllllly realllly liked. The lyrics were so true and it makes us realize what's really happening! Catchy too =)

The bottom line is, we really have got to wake up and find out what the hell random people who claim they can "Sing" are drilling into our hollow heads and also passing off as musicians :P [some of them anyway, im not saying they aren't good, i'm just saying that they randomly decide that singing is some cakewalk thing that any jobless dolt can do if they have too much time with themselves and just throw a few words together and imitate MJ (Rest In Peace)]

You must have heard of this song.... even if you have, just read the lyrics because theyre beautiful.

Shania Twain, Ka-ching

We live in a greedy little world--
that teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly--
then turn around and Spend it foolishly
We've created us a credit card mess
We spend the money that we don't possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it's shoppin' every Sunday at the mall

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

[chorus]
Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It's such a beautiful thing--Ka-ching!
Lots of diamond rings
The happiness it brings
You'll live like a king
With lots of money and things

When you're broke go and get a loan
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go and spend some more when you get bored

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

[Repeat Chorus]

Let's swing
Dig deeper in your pocket
Oh, yeah, ha
Come on I know you've got it
Dig deeper in your wallet
Oh

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

[Repeat Chorus]

Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
You'll live like a king
With lots of money and things
Ka-ching!

ClassRoom Chronicles #1

So I'm in class right,

and my teacher [Mrs X we shall say] is really....................... eccentric for want of a vaguely defining word. She's been harrassing a loony boy to cut his godforsaken hair so that he may not be confused with a newly-washed ungroomed poodle.

Scene:

Mrs X: So, in the olden times, in the history of the Ancient Civilization, the local administrators--- Why did you not cut your hair i thought i told you to why you being so disobedient HUH.

(all the above said in one breath)

---------Confusion in classroom------------

----------Enlightening realization that we have deviated from text-book-imparted knowledge------------

PD [Poodle Dude] - Ummmmmmmm, well....... Mrs. X......... I was............erm............... busy?

Mrs. X: For 12 days?

PD: yea?

Mrs X: Come up with a better excuse.

PD: No hair salon gave me an appointment.

Mrs X: In a city with at least 200 salons, not ONE was free, vah, the city must be experiencing lack of hair on heads now.

--------Hiccups+Laughter (hiccups donated by a girl who ate a sandwich too fast)--------

PD [head hung low]: i was busy on sunday.... i had to go out.......

Mrs X: And what were you doing on saturday? Preparing to go out hmm?

PD: =S

Mrs X: Now go bury yourself in your hair or something and stop annoying me.

[dismissal wave]

Murmuring at the back:

A [random person] to PD: Atleast your getting yelled at for some random thing, I have missed out on SO MUCH IN LIFE I TELL YOU. My life is crumbling to half it really is.

I feel so down and out. Depressed. So dejected. My happiness has faded away into greyness at the back of the picture----

PD: Dude. What the hell happened.

A: Oh, somebody ate my peanut butter sandwich.

--------------Hysterics of laughter contributed by single soul, namely.....................

self.------------

:)