The Greater Artist

Words express..
Express like no other existence can...
And expression is the key..
to a liberated soul..

The Quill is the mightiest instrument.
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Monday, August 24, 2009

The doings of my lil walkin fluffball


One of the happiest moments of my life that happened to me five months ago was my getting a little puppy.
The four years preceding that involved much begging, pleading, promising to attempt to clean one's cupboard were not the enjoyable periods.
As one can guess, he's fully spotted and as my mother claims, reminds her of her previously owned rabbit. His name is Astro, his full name being Astro Pluto Ace Jetson. We seriously considered adding something pertaining to dust-bins to his name because his prior interests in the morning seems to automatically steer his little spotted paws toward the trash can.
With floppy ears, he loves imitating a dead lizard when he plays with any of his unimaginably irritating-to-a-human-with-the-sensory-organ-of-hearing squeaky toys.
He's very affectionate, friendly and loves running around and jumping on people as if they were a ball of yarn spotted by a cat. Astro gives us plenty of moments to cherish and think of later to experience a good laugh. For example, a crow cawing sitting on the parapet wall of a neighbouring terrace while Astro was playing with a dried mango seed caused the poor little quadruped to gaze up admirably and it was quite amusing to watch his disapproving glance at the mango seed that had dropped out of his mouth.
One of the most enjoyable times you could spend with Astro is when you have a little can of soap water and those stick-like pieces of plastic with loops at the end which emit bubbles when you blow through it.
Astro has spent many hours at his study (In this case under the staircase among the shoerack) pondering about why those bubbles don't wait for him to walk up to them and observe (or snap his jaws around) them.
Like anyone, even a dog has fears. And the most dominant fears of Astro's include the vaccuum cleaner, basketballs, stationary motorbikes and the stone statue of a lion set in the middle of our garden.
A concept Astro strives to grasp is the mechanism of black ants. They are not in his good books plainly for the reason that they do not stand still so he can poke and prod them for as long as he likes. He likes to pick up his prey (Generally the ant or sometimes those annoying insects that hover around lights during the rainy season) bring it inside the house (He prefers shiny polished flooring) set it on his observation table (the drawing room rug) and paw it, lick it, sniff it and growl at it when it tries to escape about two centimeters with its now nearly-amputated legs.
After weeks of training, Astro has finally understood that the command 'come' does not mean dig the garden mud and imprint the white carpet of the living room with muddy paw-prints and the command 'sit' does not imply the necessity to bite one's ankles till Astro is satisfied that his tooth has made a mark visible enough.
Astro's way of showing that he is perplexed at something is tilting his head in any angle that he can and giving the most puzzled look he can muster. He is yet to grasp the point of the activity 'Fetch' and seems to think that bringing the object back is his personal choice. Tug-of-war with a metre of cloth had always been his favourite game to play with me until I one day tied the cloth to a pole for him to tug on but later discovered him looking very unhappy at his tooth that had parted from him as he had gotten very excited and had tried to gain victory over the pole.
On the whole, Astro is one of the sweetest living things I've ever encountered in my life and I don't know how I'd pass the days without his presence. A stuffed-toy-look-alike, a playmate and a mobile entertainment unit, Astro is perfect in my eyes. He's my Little Spotted Trotter.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Shake-the-pear

You are NOT in for what you thought you were in for when you decided to read this post seeing the heading.
Now.
Shakespeare (Yes, that is the proper form of the deformed phrase in my heading) was a very very intelligent fellow. Slightly mad, maybe. But intelligent, nevertheless.
Seshpare (as my english teacher might refer to him by) thought of things that no average literary artist might think of today. For example, a knight who had no dignity making a solemn oath that some mustard had gone bad.
See, it's creative, innovative, DIFFERENT certainly, original and......... err.... slightly retarded. No offense Mr. Shakey.
The play concepts were plotted cleverly, although somewhere along the way Mr. Pear lost it. Lost what, you may ask? Not the will to complete the play, not the idea, not the writing talent. His sanity, oh yes.
His plays that he meant to come under the genre of 'Fantasy'..... did come under that and his concepts were sensible..............NOT.
Now, Mr Shakespeare had writing talent, oh yes. That is certainly not being denied here. Just.... eccentric path of thought and.. ok. cutting to the chase here. HE TALKED THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL. Thee, thou, tho, thy wth!? Instead of going "Thou hath hurt thy innermost feelings that thy hath wrapped and safekept for eternal length of time, thou art banished from the Kingdom, this very land that we step foot upon at this very instant and henceforth shalt never show thyself in this sacred space that we shall be dwelt in.", why can't he just say "Look dude, whatever. get lost."
See? So simple.
Looks like Sir Literary Genius had a couple of minor setbacks with his writing. they were works slightly resembling nonsense.
I would very much like to point out that this is told from the mind of a minor. BUT, if thou could fetch me an adult who can actually read a whole unabridged play of shakespeares and say that that person actually:
i] survived it
ii] has retained the same mental position that he hath started out with
iii] enjoyed it (provided the clause ii is satisfied)
,
Thou shalt be praised.
Whoops. Looks like Shakespearitis is contagious.
;)

Friday, July 31, 2009

ClassRoom Chronicles #2

So we're all writing our exam right. It's class 9&10 together and we [9] had our chemistry exam that day. which we were completely prepared for but it was a very tough paper.
so there's about twenty minutes left until we have to stop writing and our invigilator is just incapable of sitting down quietly for two seconds.


Mrs. X (targets one pitiful boy sitting in the corner and nearly snapping his pencil into two out of frustration that he did not know the formula of Methyl Alocohol) - what you going to do after the exam?
Anxious boy - i dont know ma'am [turns back to paper]
Mrs. X - not going for a holiday anywhere?
AB -no maam.. for now im just writing my exam [not looking up]
mrs x - what's your paper about? [snatches paper and reads through it]
AB- maam im writing my exam!
mrs. x -mm okay write write. [gives back paper; anxious boy resumes scribbling down answers]
Ab [mutters] - god this woman....
mrs. x -when i was small, chemistry was not a big problem for me. it was only maths.
in that also, i liked arithmetic a lot...... algebra was not a strong point for me.
AB - [smoke escapes from ears enough to boil water for tea]
[this conversation continues one-sidedly for a while]
mrs. x - how much do you have left?
AB - a lot, maam.
mrs x - {begins to walk away to annoy another poor boy who is buried in sheets of chemstry equations} hmmm... write fast. you need lots of concentration for chemistry. difficult subject. Make sure you dont get distracted.

[Pencil snaps into two]

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Famous quotes by (un)famous people...! #1

"Amirtha says: hey hold onmg one sec; astro walkingn ongng keybfoardejwka"

"By 'be impulsive', you mean do nothing?" - Sashi XD

"OOOOOh i love this cat! it reminds me of my dogs" - Prar... sigh. you're such a question mark :P

Chandler: What are you doing?!
Rachel/Phoebe: Searching for our christmas presents from monica!
Chandler: That's terrible!
Phoebe: No no! we do it every year!
Chandler: Oh..... that makes it.....not.....terrible..?



"I finally ate cheesecake!!!!!"- Hen



Me: Dang... astro [puppy]'s teething pretty bad....
A: its part of pet ownership though isnt it?
Me: yeah but its really bad... worse than an avg puppy bites....
A: thats what you get for a cross between a dog, cow, horse, cat...
Me: dont forget bunny.



Me: AARGH IM SO FRUSTRATED. I WANNA............................KILL.......MYSELF!!!!!
A: hmm.. want some help? i've nothing to do till two.. That's when i have to go catch a movie.... [looks at watch] but i guess i could squeeze in destructing a walking thing before then...

K: Shhhiiitteee...!! I havent studied half of this stuff for tomorrow's exam! What do you suggest I concentrate on?
Me: Look, either you skip the second part of the chapter completely and just concentrate on the first and finish off fast, or you study everything keeping no sharp objects within a close distance.





Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Wrong+Right= ?

Really, I fail to understand people's motives sometimes.
Wrong+Right=..................................... ____.........???????????
Understand that a wrong + a right do NOT cancel each other out. it stays as one wrong and one right only.
but my story here, has nothing to do with this, because apparently in the end, i was doing nothing worthwhile to begin with.
but yeah, im going to bore you with it whether you like it or not. (please don't exit this screen. this screen likes to be read and then exitted)
Okay, so a year ago, this annoying, grumpy, cranky, sorrowful, sadistic woman [one of my teachers] signs me up for this "Environmental Project" for some National Competition. So here, apparently we have to do write ups, and 'try to make the world a better place'. I'm sure a handful of us are reallllly gonna be able to do that miraculously overnight.
I didn't even want to do this stupid thing. Now, don't do the think that I be not like environment. I am liking environment lots lots. But god... so boring! I meant the environment; god isn't boring, sorry god, if you're offended. [This line is copyrighted by one of my friends so sorry for reproducing it, I just found it humourously stimulating] Yeah, so anyway. I got to my first 'Environment Club Meeting' thingies (quite reluctantly I may add, and mumbling, muttering and making lives miserable for any other passengers in the transporting four wheeeler).
I stroll in to find a bunch of actually enthusiastic kids (ENTHUSIASTIC. ENTHUSIASTIC AT SUCH A BORING TIME! OKAY, i hyperventilated enough that time, so I'll spare you the details) + a super boring teacher who seemed to think that Irritating-teenagers-to-the-point-where-they-give-in-and-grumpily-agree-to-be-environmentsavingnitwits is the best existing occupation. I wanted to gift her my shoe in an impolite manner.
ANYWAY, the first assignment we have, is to 'make a scrapbook on How to be kind to the environment around the household' and this woman [we shall refer to her as Mrs. X] lists some stuff we can write down and stick pictures on the scrapbook.
One of her majorly intellectual suggestions: Throw all household waste in the trash can. Right, because I'm randomly going to gallivant around the house chucking stuff in nooks and crannies for some odd personal joy.
And so she lists some of her Nobel Prize deserving ideas [as bright as the formerly listed] and then says, "Wogay childran, yoo must nouw write thee yinformation on yae scrapboook yand shtick thee pikchures won yae kallarpul (colourful) paper, then barder (border) yit widh kallarpul glittar and shtick it on yae white paper and then shtick yit on skrapboook."
Yeah, so that is so eco-friendly right. As much as killing yourself is going to do you fantastic good in life.
I was sort of glad that we're....... wait. I just realized..... that participating in a national environmental WRITTEN project and possibly winning a lakh, a tv or a computer is doing absolutely ZILCH for the environment. So I was wrong! We were doing nothing productive to begin with! Great.
But anyway,
environmental awareness is becoming increasingly important [line ripped from ninth grade environmental education text book. would also like to add here that this same line is rephrased in two million ways to constitute a pointless hundred paged book that a ninth grader would probably burn in less than a few minutes after defeating rival - xams. We can save on this hundred wasted pages and burnt ash from book by ELIMINATING SUBJECT. Okay topic-deviating here. Sorry.]
I guess I have made my extremely pointless point here - If you can't save the environment, freakin leave it alone no. Stop pestering.
=D
~~~~